oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
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