Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize
