How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize