Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Randomize
