If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
