What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
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