About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
