and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Randomize
