She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
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