we made out on top of his cat.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Randomize
