I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Randomize
