awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
