That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
