you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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