one might say we're banned from that church
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
