Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
