You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
