To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
