They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
