my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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