i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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