this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
my god I love twenty year old dicks
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
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