Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize