I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
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