We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
