I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
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