he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
