I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Randomize
