After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
im calling her cock vulture from now on
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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