guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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