It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
