"it" just moved
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
