She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
