Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
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