Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
