On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
