Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Randomize