I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
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