Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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