I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
