nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
