One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
