He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
