You really coming over, don't trick.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
