that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
so let's talk penis.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
