fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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