Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Randomize
