where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I FOUND THE LEGS
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize