I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Randomize
