You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
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