Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
