Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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