3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize