It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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