The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
