: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
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