Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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