Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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