new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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