Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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