A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
