I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Then you guys just all showered together...?
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
