Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
