After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
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