if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
