i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
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