I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
