just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
