New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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