Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
