what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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