i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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