my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
