I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
