you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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