the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
