So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
