Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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