I got chris browned last night
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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