You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I want to make a zoo with you.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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