tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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