everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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