Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
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