Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Randomize
