k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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