You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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