I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
