I'm so fucking centered right now
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
