I can tuck mytits in my pants
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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