If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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