This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Randomize
