she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
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