Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
No stitches, just platelets and will power
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Randomize
