My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
