You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
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