I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Randomize
