you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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