I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
She announced her abortion via fbk
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
