My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
