i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
