i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
